Date:	2009-06-15 22:40
Subject:	oh what a year...
Security:	Public
Mood:	sleepy

finally... i have some time to write a bit before i go to bed... i'm usually in bed by now, but since i'm waiting for a friend to finish his phone call outside i might as well provide an update... but don't be surprised if the entry cuts off suddenly cause that'll mean he's done with his phone call and we're both ready for bed - yay, sleepover!  hahahah... not really... he lives a bit away from work, and my place is closer for him to commute to work; and it's getting late so he decided to just spend the night at my place instead of driving all the way home, and then back to work in a few hours anyways...

now for an update on my life... i can go on about random things in my life - i bought a new car, i got a new job this year again, i'm still serving at church, and on and on about things, but none of which could truly express where i am today... it so happens though, that today is june 15th, 2009, and i'm starting another year into my life... today i turn 29, and start my journey to becoming the big 3-0.  another year for me to become a better man, to know God more, to realize what His plans are for me, and to worship and serve in whatever capacity i can.  hindsight is always 20/20, and what i wouldn't give to do things differently if i had only known this or that at a particular moment or time.  maybe it's better this way though, so that i am protected from having things turn out differently.  i know God is watching over me, even if i don't feel His presence or His hand at work in my life.  and for that, i am grateful to have turned 29 - to be where i am today.  i am grateful to still know that God loves me - even with all my sin and when no one else would consider me more than the way i dress, talk or have failed, i am thankful for His Words, which i will confess i have not gleaned from in so long. 

i'm sure so many people can say that they genuinely want to become a better person.  i've said that before many times, but have i become a better person?  have i grown to be any more mature or wise?  i don't believe so this past year.  i think i've become more cynical - more condemning and pessimistic with ministry and worship.  i had hoped for a deeper sense of fellowship and intimacy with people, but i've only disappointed myself and others.  now, i only hope to rebuild and renew that longing for a Christ-centered, grace filled fellowship and unity.  i can't place expectations on myself or others anymore, but i can only hope for an encounter with God in every conversation and relationship that'll remind me again and again the love of Christ and the glory due Him...

no more long winded speeches.  no more sugar around the medicine.  no more words of wisdom from a man who's vocabulary doesn't extend beyond the instruction manual of a video game.

Lord... it's just me, and all of me in the only way i know i can be; and i hope that all of me can be teachable and humble so that i can then be what You want me to be... amen.